"You need to update your blog!" My mom reminds me every time I talk with her. I shrug it off, but I know she's right. Regardless of who reads, I need to write. It's my way to process and to understand the situations around me. I've refrained from writing, not because nothing has happened-- it's that too much is happening. How can I explain it all?
Taiwan's fruit stands once stacked with winter oranges now sell piles of bananas and pineapples. Rice fields have changed from expansive muddy pools mirroring the sky's light to lush blue-green stalks and heads of grain not yet ripe for the next harvest. The constant foggy winter coolness has become a cycle, spinning like a kaleidoscope of haze, humidity, rain, clarity, sunshine, then haze again. Cherry blossoms and tourists fill the Chiayi mountains. Teachers and students have gone in a progression from post-vacation freshness, to mid-term blues, to renewed energy. And God's faithfulness has come full-circle for me over and over again:
ALEA. Two weeks ago, five of us teachers from Taiwan attended the Asia Lutheran Educators Association conference in Hong Kong (only an hour flight from Taiwan). Also attending the conference were missionaries from the Philippines, Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam, Japan, Korea, Macau, China, Hong Kong, India, Australia and the States. Participants varied from principals to student teachers, from LCMS leaders to lowly rookie missionaries such as myself. I heard stories from men and women who started these Lutheran schools that now constellate maps of the eastern hemisphere. We worshipped Kenyan-style. Part of the conference involved a simulation in which we felt a minuscule amount of torture that refugees go through on a daily basis around the globe (I could talk about that experience alone for hours). A presentation was given on the history of missions in China, Taiwan and Hong Kong, and it helped me to comprehend the great legacy of which we are a part. Plans were made to start schools in Cambodia, a country rich in culture but sick with sex trade. We heard the story of a 9-year-old boy at the Lutheran school in Shanghai who decided to send playgrounds to Liberia because it wasn't fair that children there didn't have any. I was challenged with the reality of how our students can change the world.
Photo courtesy of Megan Kincaid
The ALEA conference was exactly what I needed. First of all, it reminded me how small I am. God's activity in the world transcends me. My small contribution to the mission field pales in comparison to career missionaries, and when I think of how many missionaries God has called around the world throughout history, I am baffled. Who else can inspire so many people throughout history to leave their homes to serve people they don't know? It's not our love, but the unconditional love of Jesus that moves hearts like that. Our God is so beautiful that countless masses of people have gladly given their lives for Him.
Secondly, the conference reminded me to struggle. When God draws us close to His heart, we begin to delight in the things that delight Him. But we also learn to hate things that He hates. We learn to detest lies, greed, murder, pride. We learn to mourn our sin like He mourns, we learn to cry for people who reject the truth as He cries, we learn to be moved by compassion as Jesus was. Some questions that I struggle with as a missionary:
How can I clearly teach God's word to my students? How can I demonstrate God's perfect love? How can I convince my students that Jesus wants a personal relationship with them? That money and grades aren't the most important things in life? That we can't trust ourselves, but God? That "having a good reputation" does not equal righteousness? Why do people choose empty idols of pride, fame, power? Am I doing the same thing? Am I trusting in my actions to save me or wholly relying on God's grace?
I've felt the temptation to quit asking these questions and just go through the external motions of my job. But if I am no longer bothered by sin, I've stopped loving. After talking with other missionaries at the conference who've felt the same way, I am encouraged to continue caring about my students, which also means continue struggling, being brokenhearted over sin and begging God for mercy. There is beauty and meaning in the struggle. Jacob wrestled with God and persisted, and was blessed for it. When we're uncomfortable, confused, questioning, tired, weak-- that's often when God's grace is clearest to us. It could mean taking a stand against abortion, rethinking one's entire teaching strategy, aching with homesickness while off "on a mission", or being moved by compassion to pray for someone instead of getting an extra hour of sleep. God, teach me to be persistent in the good fight. Teach me to struggle.
Secondly, the conference reminded me to struggle. When God draws us close to His heart, we begin to delight in the things that delight Him. But we also learn to hate things that He hates. We learn to detest lies, greed, murder, pride. We learn to mourn our sin like He mourns, we learn to cry for people who reject the truth as He cries, we learn to be moved by compassion as Jesus was. Some questions that I struggle with as a missionary:
How can I clearly teach God's word to my students? How can I demonstrate God's perfect love? How can I convince my students that Jesus wants a personal relationship with them? That money and grades aren't the most important things in life? That we can't trust ourselves, but God? That "having a good reputation" does not equal righteousness? Why do people choose empty idols of pride, fame, power? Am I doing the same thing? Am I trusting in my actions to save me or wholly relying on God's grace?
I've felt the temptation to quit asking these questions and just go through the external motions of my job. But if I am no longer bothered by sin, I've stopped loving. After talking with other missionaries at the conference who've felt the same way, I am encouraged to continue caring about my students, which also means continue struggling, being brokenhearted over sin and begging God for mercy. There is beauty and meaning in the struggle. Jacob wrestled with God and persisted, and was blessed for it. When we're uncomfortable, confused, questioning, tired, weak-- that's often when God's grace is clearest to us. It could mean taking a stand against abortion, rethinking one's entire teaching strategy, aching with homesickness while off "on a mission", or being moved by compassion to pray for someone instead of getting an extra hour of sleep. God, teach me to be persistent in the good fight. Teach me to struggle.
"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted."
Matthew 5:4
Next Year. I've decided that this is my last year in Taiwan, since I fulfilled my initial 2-year commitment and I feel that it's time to move on to new experiences. I'll be returning home on July 19. During these two years in Taiwan, God has broadened my understanding of Him and the world He created. Taiwan and its people will always have a giant piece of my heart. I'm currently in the market looking for a job in the States (mom says anywhere closer than Taiwan is acceptable!). I'd like to work with refugees and immigrants or do some similar humanitarian work. Please pray for me as I look and wait for the next adventure that God has for me. I look forward to seeing you all again soon!
In Christ,
Anna
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